November 16

“There are only a few who control themselves and their affairs by a guiding purpose: the rest do not proceed; they are merely swept along, like objects afloat in a river.” – Seneca

There are two principles for today’s meditation. The first is that there will be people not on the path, people who do not care about the path we are on, and people who are ‘content’ to travel through the world miserable and victims of their own apathy. These people do not matter to us as far as our view of who we are is concerned, we have zero business comparing ourselves to them.

We really shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to anyone except for who we were in the recent past. And really we should be thinking recent, comparing ourselves to who we were ten years ago is not fair. Especially if we’ve been working at becoming better people for awhile.

If we must compare to someone, the second principle of today’s meditation is that people with self control, people with discipline, they stand out. They stand far apart from the crowd. And they don’t have to be flashy, they don’t have to remind us, they typically don’t have to say anything. We can often pick them out by the way they carry themselves, the way they greet us in social settings, and the way that they choose to speak. People who have control over the things they can control are attractive to us because they stand outside the crowd but are comfortable where they stand.

We should be aiming to be people who stand comfortably apart.

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November 15

“”Pleasure, unless it is kept within bounds, tends to rush headlong into the abyss of sorrow.” – Seneca

There is nothing wrong with us enjoying ourselves. Good times, especially those spent with people we care about build relationships and strengthen bonds. Even on our own, there are things we may find pleasurable that are not in and of themselves bad things.

But even when we enjoy ourselves with our loved ones, even the most important of pleasures we enjoy within the most important of relationships we have, can be taken too far. And when we do start to focus only on the pleasure, only on the good times, even the strongest of relationships will start to feel shallow and unfulfilling. Even the strongest bonds will start to break down and relationships can become damaged.

How can we avoid this? Oddly enough, we avoid damaging relationships with too much pleasure in the same way that we strengthen ourselves against too much luxury, by struggling and focusing on building something worthwhile. And when we do that with our friends and loved ones, we develop stronger bonds and better relationships.

We do this by looking for opportunities to grow together as people. With life partners, family members and close personal friends this is easier as those bonds have been made and open lines of communication have been established.

With people a little further outside of our circle, sharing these struggles and finding common goals will be harder, but it will also be worth it. Detaching from our current situation with the goal of finding these opportunities in our work lives, our neighborhoods, and other communities will be well worth the effort.

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November 14

“Do the one thing that can render you really happy: cast aside and trample under foot all the things that glitter outwardly and are held out to you by another or as obtainable from another.” – Seneca

No matter what type of philosophy we embrace, no matter what part of the world we travel to, even if we could travel through time we still could not find a place where this message was not considered a part of enlightenment. The removal of the desire for material things is center in all of the major philosophies.

The removal of the desire for material things is not the same as not having any material things. It means that we are not moved by our need to own things, we do not allow our desire to have nice things or luxuries to make our decisions about how we work, how we make money in other ways, or how much time we spend – or don’t spend – with our families.

For some of us that might very well mean getting rid of all of our possessions and spending some time with nothing. But for most of us it is a simple shift in mindset that makes us look at the things we own as traps and this shift in perspective sets on a path to avoid being trapped by the things we own.

We can keep the things we own from owning us by removing our desire to add to their numbers.

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November 13

“The man who is goaded ahead by hope of anything, though it be within reach, though it be easy of access, and though his ambitions have never played him false, is troubled and unsure of himself.” – Seneca

Hope is a difficult concept to get around and understand as a bad thing. We can stay optimistic, we can even have hope when things look bad for us, or when we find ourselves in really difficult situations. But to be motivated by hope, to leave our contentment in the hands of things outside of our control, we have to focus on things we have no control over.

We can hope that our situation improves but that doesn’t mean that it is going to. Instead, we can change the way we see our situation and we can have an impact on our attitude right away. The situation may or may not improve but our ability to get through the situation and maybe even learn a little something certainly can.

We can have dreams and aspirations, we can set life goals, in fact we have. But if we do not keep in mind that a good deal of the things that are required to have our dreams come true, to achieve our aspirations, or meet our goals are outside of our control.

So when we start to think that we don’t have our dream job, our dream house, or even our dream partner we need to also look honestly at the situation and think about whether or not we controlled the things we could as well as we could have or if we spent too much energy on the things that weren’t in our power to control.

If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll be a lot more comfortable accepting the reality we have over some dream version we can’t get.

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November 12

“We have reached the heights if we know what it is that we find joy in and if we have not placed our happiness in the control of externals.” – Seneca

We control internal things, our emotions, our reactions to the world, the thoughts in our minds, the words that come our of our mouths , and the actions we take. This is a fairly comprehensive list. If we can think of something we have control over that doesn’t fall into one of these categories, we should probably reevaluate either our level of control or the nature of the thing itself before thinking about adding a category.

By spending our energy on the things we can control and choosing to not spend our energy on the things we can not control, we free ourselves to consider what we can do about our own happiness in life.

When we recognize how much control we have over our own level of happiness, it frees us to do all we can to maximize our own level of contentment in life.

This will involve more of the things we can control and relying as little as possible – if at all – on the things that lie outside of our control. The less control we have over the thing, the less we should allow it to influence our lives. When we hit on being dependent only on the things we have control over, we will have arrived. At that point we can focus on maximizing our contentment in this life.

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November 11

“Men do not care how nobly they live, but only how long, although it is within the reach of every man to live nobly, but within no man’s power to live long.” – Seneca

Everything in our lives. Literally everything we could possibly want comes down to control. Knowing what we have control over and what we do not have control over is part of the equation. But identifying what we control and what we do not control is easy compared to the more important part of the equation.

The most important part of the control issue is learning to control everything we can control with unmitigated daily discipline in all areas at all times. This is also likely the hardest thing to do in life, ever. It requires us to be firm with the one person we really like to cut some slack every once in a while; ourselves.

We like to think that because we are working so hard we deserve little luxuries like sleeping in, not eating right, drinking a little more than we should, and eating some food we know we shouldn’t. Or maybe we feel we deserve big luxuries like vacations we can’t afford or cars that are more than we really need. And maybe that helps us get through the hard parts but it doesn’t make our lives better, and it doesn’t make us better people. In fact, it has quite the opposite effect.

Allowing ourselves to feel entitled to luxuries takes them out of the luxury category and makes them needs. When we start to need a drink, when we need a vacation, even when we need to sleep in, we are making a choice to be a little weaker, to deviate from the path we know we should be on. Worse than that, we are giving up control when we allow those things to rule us.

Instead we should focus on keeping ourselves disciplined. In all areas.

Because that is the path to freedom.

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November 10

“There are few men whom slavery holds fast, but there are many more who hold fast to slavery.” – Seneca

Our lifestyle in many ways, has more control over us than we do of it. We work to maintain things we need for work. We live outside of our means. We eat unhealthy food because it is more convenient. We make excuses to allow us to watch more television than is good for us. We say things like ,”It’s just on in the back ground.” And we passively allow these things to get away from us.

While at the same time, we are focused on controlling things that are firmly outside of our control. We try to accumulate more stuff, we try to make more money, we do things in order to get people to like us.

So we ignore the things we have control over, ourselves and how we spend our money and time. And we focus on the things we can’t control, how other people value us as friends and employees. For some quick examples.

We’d be better off focusing on the things we have control over, mainly ourselves. We could work on getting control over a few of the things we have allowed to slip. We could implement discipline in keeping ourselves on the right path. It will be hard and it will take a lot of discipline just staying on the path. And after just a short period of time we will look up and realize that the discipline has set us free.

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November 9

“People leave such advantages as these with reluctance. They love the reward of their hardships, but curse the hardships themselves.” – Seneca

Hard work pays off. We hear it so much that it has become one of the most over used cliches we encounter. And it is backwards. The reward that comes with the struggle is one part of it but it isn’t the most important part. Because the thing about the struggle, it’s the same as the thing about perseverance or tenacity. When we are being tenacious we don’t feel tenacious, we feel miserable. In some cases we are actually suffering.

But the suffering, the misery, that is what changes us, it makes us stronger, it helps us to endure more the next time. And this makes us better at doing the hard things in life that no one wants to do. Being better at struggling keeps us calm under pressure, and confident when things start to get away from us. We know how much we can handle, and we know that we can likely learn to handle more than we currently do.

So the next time we are thinking about the reward we will get for our hard work, we should remind ourselves to focus on the moment and enjoy the difficulty of the task we are undertaking. Because hard work makes us better at dealing with difficulty. And dealing with difficulty makes us better people.

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November 8

“A good man will not waste himself upon mean and discreditable work or be busy merely for the sake of being busy.” – Seneca

Busy. Busy. Busy. We all have so much going on. We fill our lives with so much stuff. So much of it is necessary, so many things that we have to get done.

But we are also great at filling our time with stuff we don’t actually have to do, and then we feel trapped by it.

We could look at our schedules and identify things we don’t actually need to be doing. And we could work towards cutting those things out of our lives. We could simplify our lives a little bit and only allow the things we absolutely need to do to clutter our schedules. And we could take the time that frees up and we could start to identify the things we want to be doing. And we could continue working on ourselves. Making small improvements every day.

But the thing we should all stop doing, is being busy for the sake of being busy. At the very least we can look at the busy work we fill our lives with and we can cut it out or at least cut it down. Because being busy takes away our time for reflection, and being busy takes away our ability to take advantage of opportunities that come up.

In short, being busy closes doors to us.

Let’s keep our schedules light and the doors open.

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November 7

“It is base to flinch under a burden. Wrestle with the duties which you have once undertaken. No one is brave and earnest if they avoid danger, if their spirit does not grow with the very difficulty of their task.” – Seneca

Each of us has parts of our daily lives that are difficult, even burdensome. And whether we like it or not, those are still things that have to get done. We can not avoid doing the difficult things in life unless we make ourselves comfortable with failure and stagnation. Otherwise, the difficult thing will be there waiting for us until we complete the task.

If we choose to complain our way through the difficult things we have to do in life, we’ll still be getting the things we need to complete completed. In fact, most of us do just this. We complete the things we need to complete, complaining all the while, and then we go about living our lives. The hard thing finished, but we are no better or worse for having finished it.

But that would be flinching, we wouldn’t be allowing our spirit to grow with the difficulty of our task.

If instead we took the things that we hate to do, the tasks that we consider a burden, and we made them into something that we had a good attitude about, we’d see ourselves grow a little bit. We’d at least be in a better mood. And oddly enough, we’d also see that our better mood translates to other aspects of our lives.

So let’s go do hard things with a smile and let’s watch ourselves grow as people.

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November 6

“You must be not only present in the body, but watchful in mind, if you would avail yourself of the fleeting opportunity.” – Seneca

While showing up and getting started might very well be the hardest part of any endeavor, we need to be aware that not every project we take on is going to go exactly as we anticipate. And almost none of the projects that we take on are going to end exactly the way we think they will.

If we are aware of the things we actually have control over, we already understand this but what we might be missing if we just get things started, do our part, and go with the flow is that opportunities to improve on our end goal are going to come up during our project. If we have our heads down just doing our work, we are going to miss those.

While it is important for us to be aware of the details of any project – including ourselves – along the way, we can not let the details distract us from the bigger picture. TO do that we need to be able to step back from a project both physically and mentally and see the whole picture. If we make that a habit, we will start to see options we would have missed otherwise. We do this by detaching. Detachment allows us to stay mentally present by not getting sucked into the details of any project. Especially the project we are making of ourselves.

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November 5

“The belly will not listen to advice; it makes demands, it importunes. And yet it is not a troublesome creditor; you can send it away at a small cost, provided only that you give it what you owe, not merely all you are able to give.” – Seneca

We all have needs that absolutely must be met if we are going to carry on the act of living. We need to sleep, we need to eat and drink, we need to be warm and sheltered, and we need some level of human interaction.

But all of these things can be taken too far and when we choose to take them too far they become an obstacle to becoming the people we want to be.

If we choose to sleep too much, we know what happens to us. Not only do we lose all of that time that we could have been doing something more productive but we end up more tired, sleep inertia saps our energy and we feel weak for the rest of that day.

When we over indulge in eating and drinking we not only waste food that could have been saved for another time or used to feed other people, we also push our bodies into storing food and generating toxins. We feel sick and we get fat. Both of these things get in the way of being more productive.

When we become too accustomed to our comforts and luxuries we become weak and dependent. We start to feel as if we need those things or worse, we feel entitled to them. That sense of entitlement becomes an obstacle to keeping in mind the things we can control and the things we cannot.

When we overdo our human interactions we lose our ability to be content in ourselves, our ability of self reflection gets dulled because we become too accustomed to the input of others. Worse than that, we forget that we alone understand our path and relying on the input of those around us is more a distraction than a guide.

But taken in just the right amounts, just as much as we need, these things meet our needs and give us strength to continue our journey.

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November 4

“You are better at approving the right course than at following it out. You see where the true happiness lies, but you have not the courage to attain it.” – Seneca

If we spend a few minutes on the subject, it becomes pretty clear pretty fast. We all know the things we are supposed to do. We can all probably each identify the things that we do that are holding us back, though often this takes a little more effort as we are frequently blind to the habits we have that actually harm us.

We know however, that we should eat healthy food, we should exercise, we should get enough rest. But we don’t even do those three things as often as we should. We eat convenient food, we sacrifice sleep for television or online videos, and we fit exercise into our schedule when ‘it works.’

It’s amazing how simple it would be to just do those three things. Those three simple tasks, eat the right food, make exercise a priority, and get enough sleep. But as simple as those things are, there is nothing easy about them.

How many other things are going to fall along those same lines of being simple but not easy? Finances? Relationships?

In fact, the more we simplify our lives, the more we realize that most of the valuable things in life are just that, simple but really difficult to achieve. This is probably why we spend so much time over complicating them. If we think just for a moment about how much complication goes into exercise and then look at how the Greeks – the ones who invented the Olympic games – did it, it isn’t complicated. But that doesn’t make it easy.

So let’s dedicate ourselves to doing the hard things, so long as we keep them simple.

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November 3

“You greatest difficulty is with yourself; you are your own stumbling block.” – Seneca

Success and failure will ultimately come down to control. If we spend all of our energy trying to control things that are actually external to ourselves, we will fail. We might see some immediate successes but ultimately we will fail. And the sad part is, we might not even recognize that we failed but our world view, our disposition, and ultimately our quality of life will eventually deteriorate to the point where we are constantly miserable.

We likely all see this in people that we interact with on a regular basis. The constant bad mood. The constant frustration with the world around them. The failure to find anything in life amusing or pleasant.  Do we really think that this cloud doesn’t follow those people into their homes? They live in a hell that they created by making choices not to control the things they could have controlled.

If we were to try to point that out to them, we’d be headed right down the same path.

Our job is to identify the things we can control. Our job is to make changes to take control over those things over the course of our lives. And when we do finally achieve an acceptable level of control over the things we actually have control over, we will start to see success. Maybe it won’t look like the success we think of at the moment but likely it will resemble the success we know right now enough for us to recognize it when it arrives.

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November 2

“No one is born rich. Everyone, the they first see light, is commanded to be content with milk and rags. Such is our beginning and yet, kingdoms are too small for us!” – Seneca

There is nothing wrong with having aspirations. We all should want to do a little better than we are currently doing in any facet of our lives that could possibly be improved on. Providing for ourselves and our families falls squarely into that category.

There is actually plenty wrong with settling and not doing better when we know that we could. We each have an obligation to ourselves and to those around us, and especially those that depend on us to do as well as we can in all aspects of life.

There is a big difference however, between choosing to not settle and choosing to not be content. Choosing not to settle means looking at each and every facet of our lives, identifying the areas we can control, evaluating a plan to make changes that improve those areas, and then executing that plan. That doesn’t mean that we are not grateful for what we have, it doesn’t have to mean we are not content where we are. It means that we accept that we are a constantly improving system and that we will always be able to find areas where we fall short.

But we don’t have to have strong desires, and we don’t have to want more. Wanting more is not the same as shoring up a weakness. In fact, wanting more is a weakness that should be shored up immediately.

Balancing that is the challenge.

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November 1

“It is essential to reserve a few days in which we prepare for real poverty by means of practiced poverty.” – Seneca

We could replace poverty with any of the many real or perceived hardships that life is going to throw at us along the journey.

If we want to be prepared for hardship it helps if we have at least partially experienced it before even if we create it for ourselves. And for most of the hardships we might experience in life, we can do just that. We can chose to live without the luxuries that life might take away from us one day. Even if we only do it for a few days, it makes us appreciate the things we have all the more.

We could chose any single thing we enjoy today that could be taken away from us tomorrow if our fate changes a bit and we could choose to live without it for a few days, a week, a month even. And we would see that our lives are no worse off without these things, we would at least see that we could endure without those things.

And then with practice we would learn that if we had to, we could give up a large amount of the comfort we are accustomed to in order to continue on, or even in some cases to get just a little bit ahead.

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October 31

“It is the mark of a noble spirit not to precipitate oneself into such things on the ground that they are better, but to practice for them on the ground until they are easy to endure.” – Seneca

There are things right now, and there are always likely going to be things going forward, that irritate us and do not bring out the best in us. Some of them are going to surprise us, but most of them are things that we could readily identify if we sat down and thought about it for a few minutes.

We could continue to allow those things to irritate us and we could continue to be somewhat taken aback each time they arrive and ruin our mood. We could continue to throw ourselves into the mix of difficulties that life throws at us with little planning and no adjustment of our position.

Or we could identify the things that are most commonly the source of our hardship and our frustration and we could train to meet them. We could prepare our minds to deal with life’s frustrations, we could hone our abilities to deal with the situations that end up causing us the most trouble in life, and we could remember that we can only control so much.

As we start on that path, we will find that it is slightly more difficult but that life becomes less irritating and more rewarding at the same time.

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October 30

“You should lay hold, once and for all, upon a single norm to live by, and should regulate your whole life according to this norm.” – Seneca

If we were going to set one single rule to live the rest of our lives by, one that would have the greatest impact on our lives, and give us the best opportunity to become the best people we can become without having to add to it, that rule would be: Control the things you can control.

In this life we have control over very few things. We control our actions, our thoughts, our emotions, our words, and our reactions to the world around us. That is it.

Our actions, the things we do, how we interact with the world. This is probably our biggest outside influence, people will judge us most by our actions. We are the product of the little things we choose to do day in day out, our habits are who we are.

Our thoughts are how we choose to interpret the world around us. While these are likely the most private things we have control over, in a lot of ways our thoughts are the things that motivate our words and actions. If we don’t control these we will end up saying and doing things we don’t mean to say and do.

Our emotions are directly linked to our thoughts but they are the part of us, who we are, that is intertwined with our words and actions. They are the parts of our words that betray our thoughts, and work themselves into our actions. If we don’t control our emotions, they can move into our subconscious and control us. If we think we can’t control our emotions, they already have.

Our words, the things we choose to say are a direct reflection of our thoughts. The things we choose to share with the people around us say a lot about what they can expect of us and what we are thinking about in any given situation. We should take the time to control our words by choosing to not say anything until we’ve had time to roll it around in our heads for awhile.

The way we choose to react to the world around us tells people everything they need to know about who we are. If we are cool, calm, collected, and pleasant when everything is going our way but lose our minds when things don’t go our way, people know who we really are.

These are the things we get to control, this is a pretty comprehensive list. Everything not on this list is outside of our control and can be ignored by us for the most part. Following this rule will make us into the people we want to be, whoever that might be.

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October 29

“The highest duty and proof of wisdom – that deed and word should be in accord, that a person should be equal to themselves under all conditions, and always the same.”               – Seneca

We can say all kinds of things in this life, we can give all kinds of advice, we can explain the rules of whatever game we think we are playing as often as we like, but if our actions are not in concert with our words we are inconsistent and our message doesn’t matter. Even if we have the best of ideas, if we can’t put them into practice in our own lives, no one is going to listen to us. Worse than that, people see right through that behavior and will look down on us. Rightly so.

But living by our own words is difficult, it takes time and we will have to practice before we become good enough at it to feel like our actions and our words are always in step.

The easier thing to do in life is to keep our mouths shut. This requires little to no energy to accomplish and has the same effect as getting our actions in line. In fact, it is even better than that because we will have an even greater impact if we aren’t talking to people about the path we are on and instead, we wait to show them with the way we act. This works well because it is not expected of us because we’ve been quietly living our best life.

And we can continue to do that for the rest of our lives.

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October 28

“Great things can not be bought for small sums; so reckon up whether it is preferable to leave your own true self, or merely some of your belongings.” – Seneca

Spoiler alert. Life is really hard sometimes. In fact, the more valuable something is, the harder it is to get.

The same is true of our relationships, valuable relationships like marriages, friendships, business partnerships, and others take a lot of work. They aren’t easy.

Being in good shape and staying healthy involves exercising, eating right, and getting the right amount of rest. Those things aren’t easy.

Being financially secure takes more than just having a good job that pays well, or inheriting a large amount of money – anyone can spend more than they make, any idiot can chew through an inheritance. Being financially secure involves limiting our spending more than it does maximizing our earning. If we spend a moment on that idea we’ll realize that our spending is the part of our financial equation we have the most control over. Not one hundred percent control but certainly more control than we have over how much we earn. But being financially disciplined isn’t easy.

And these are just a few of the voluntary hardships we will endure to get some of the things that we deem worth having in this life. But the end result is the same for all of them, nothing worth having comes easily and the greater the struggle, often the greater the reward.

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October 27

“The outcome of a mighty anger is madness, and hence anger should be avoided, not merely that we may escape excess, but that we may have a healthy mind.” – Seneca

Emotional discipline. It is the one skill we can learn and develop that will make the most difference for us in this life. Becoming the person who keeps their calm in the face of a crisis involves disciplining our emotional response to the crisis and to the other people who are going to be involved.

But emotional discipline isn’t easy. In fact, it is also likely to be the most difficult thing we ever learn to do and it will likely take more than a lifetime to fully master.

But it is something that we can learn to recognize in ourselves immediately and something we can begin getting better at today. Likely within the next few hours. It is a skill we should prioritize and we should not only recognize it when we fail at keeping our emotions in check, we should also teach ourselves to recognize why allowing our emotions to rule us gets in the way of accomplishing the things we want to accomplish.

Emotional discipline will help us stop internalizing the things we shouldn’t even be allowing to affect us. Emotional discipline will help us solve problems faster without being distracted by how we are feeling. Emotional discipline will allow us to save our emotional responses for the things in life that deserve them.

Emotional discipline will set us free to work on the rest of our progress.

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October 26

“I would have you reach the point where you possess wealth dauntlessly; this can be accomplished only by persuading yourself that you can live happily without it, and by regarding riches always as likely to elude you.” – Seneca

It’s not the wealth we have, it’s not the luxuries we enjoy, and it’s not the lifestyle we are accustomed to that is going to create problems for us in life. It is the inability to live without these things if our situation demands it that will make us miserable should things change.

Right now, we are accustomed to a certain way of living. If we can’t imagine ourselves being willing to change that way of living in for a more meager existence and still maintaining our current level of happiness, we have ourselves a problem.

It is a problem because if we can’t live without it, we have allowed luxuries to become necessary and if our fortunes change and we can no longer afford the lifestyle we have allowed ourselves to become accustomed to, we are going to be miserable.

Instead, if we treat the good fortune we have right now as fleeting, outside our control and something we should enjoy because it might very well leave us one day we will be in a much better position if it ever does. We will be prepared.

Even better than that, if we know that we can live happily without our current level of luxury and an opportunity to make our own lives dramatically better comes along but requires us to make some short term sacrifices, we aren’t going to miss out because we aren’t sure if we can live with less.

We already know we can.

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October 25

“We shall be rich with all the more comfort, if we once learn how far poverty is from being a burden.” – Seneca

It can be easy to take all of the comforts and luxuries we have in our lives for granted. Most – if not all of us – know where our next meal is coming from, we will be safe from the elements tonight when we go to bed, we have clean running water, and if we are reading this on line, we likely also have electricity. It’s easy to forget that these things are luxuries when we compare ourselves to a large number of our fellow humans.

When we catch ourselves taking these things for granted, expecting them to be there and not being grateful for them when they are, we should take a few days and try living without one or two of the luxuries we are taking for granted.

We would be grateful for on demand electricity when we had it if we decided to live without it for a few days. The same would go for the internet, running water, and the food we are used to having whenever we want it.

Not that we should deny ourselves these things regularly, but we’d do well for ourselves to even just imagine life without them. If we feel like we’re struggling with imaging it, we should try an exercise where we go without.

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October 24

“If you would not have a person flinch when the crisis comes, train them before it comes.” – Seneca

If we think about the things that can distract us from our work, ruin our day, and make what should be an enjoyable time absolutely miserable, they all have one thing in common; we can anticipate them.

In fact, part of what makes us so miserable when these things happen is that we have anticipated them, we have set expectations, and then we have allowed ourselves to react to the outcome in one way over another.

In the way that we react to these self made disappointments – in truth, all disappointments are self made – we are clearly labeling these moments as a crisis at the time and we are choosing to anticipate them in the wrong fashion.

It would be a very valuable exercise for us to sit down and come up with two to three things that occur on a regular basis in our lives that cause us stress. This is not likely going to be a difficult exercise and most of us have already probably thought of three or four things already.

Now, instead of trying to find a way to control the other people, the situation, or even the way the stresser makes us feel, let’s look at how we can control ourselves when one of these stressful events occurs. What can we do differently that will make the event less troublesome for us? Is there a way we can make it into something that is not a big deal to us at all?

We should take two to three of those things and we should work towards implementing a plan to allow them to affect us less than we currently allow them to. In this way, we will have trained ourselves to avoid the crises that we are already creating for ourselves.

virtus fortis vocat.

October 23

“It shows much more courage to remain dry and sober when the mob is drunk and vomiting; but it shows greater self control to refuse to withdraw oneself and to do what the crowd does, but in a different way.” – Seneca

For many of us, perhaps all of us, as we set goals and map our the people we want to become over the next few months or years, we will start likely notice that our goals do not involve things such as drinking more alcohol or staying out late with our friends more frequently.

In fact, many of us might go in the opposite direction and that may cost us some of our relationships in the short term. That is going to be alright so long as we recognize that we have some control over each of our relationships. Specifically, we have control over half of each relationship we are in. The half that involves us.

Some of our relationships involve things we may consider removing from our lives if we are going to become the people we want to be over the next few years. In fact, some of our relationships may be built on these things entirely.

In the beginning of our journey, we might find that it is easier for us to stay on the path if we just don’t associate in these circles anymore. And in the beginning that is fine. But we should also keep in mind that our goal is not ever going to be to stay where the path is easier.

Our goal should be to be able to associate with those people, not indulge in the behavior we no longer want to indulge in, and not make the people we are associating feel any worse for indulging just because we are there not joining in the indulgence. This won’t be easy, for us or them, especially in the beginning but if we discipline ourselves and stay on the path, it will be worth it.

virtus fortis vocat

 

October 22

“Therefore one should not seek to lay up riches first; one may attain to philosophy, however, even without money for the journey.” – Seneca

When we decide to make a change towards being the person we want to be we should make realistic goals and set them within a realistic time frame. Real changes take about three to six months to start to see them. Most major life changes will become normal to us around the three to five year mark and then there are certainly some things we may want for ourselves that take a lifetime to accomplish.

It makes sense then, especially if we are new to making changes in our lives, to start with goals that are three to six months out there. We can think about where we would like to see ourselves in three to six months. And we should be realistic.

The nice things about choosing to sit down and map out the changes we would like to see in ourselves three to six months from now is that when we set those goals and we get started, we will feel differently immediately. We will even start to see results sooner than we expect.

And we don’t need to wait until we have this sorted out or we have our finances in order, we can literally sit down, make a list of things we want to see change in the next six months, determine which of those things are possible, pick our favorite two things and start today.

And we should.

virtus fortis vocat

October 21

“Study cannot be helpful unless you take pains to live simply; and living simply is voluntary poverty.” – Seneca

It’s almost a cliche, and it’s usually ridiculously inaccurate, the starving college student. When did we ever have more expendable income than when we were in college? Ski passes? Nights out every weekend? Trips for Spring Break? Most of us can’t afford these things now.

Of course, at the same time, can we really say we were acquiring wisdom during that period of our lives? No. For many of us, wisdom came later, sometimes much later, sometimes not at all. Sure we may have learned skills, we acquired knowledge, and some of us may have left our schooling with a solid base for acquiring knowledge and life skills but if we stopped improving after graduation, we could not consider ourselves to be in possession of any type of wisdom.

Wisdom comes later, and it typically doesn’t come easily. We spend the rest of our lives either learning from our experiences or repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

If we want to focus on getting better if we want to work at acquiring wisdom there is one step we all have to take first; we have to identify the things we can control and the things we can not control. Once we do that we can focus on the things we actually have control over. When we start doing that, our lives change almost immediately. Once we recognize the things we control we can start to see how we can work to bring about the things we want, or we can see how the things we want are not realistic goals as we do not have any control over them.

And then we can start to become better people.

virtus fortis vocat

October 20

“If you wish to have leisure for your mind, either be a poor man or resemble a poor man.” -Seneca

It is an exchange we make without realizing we are making an exchange. We all push to make more, to accumulate more, and to achieve a higher status in the circles we travel in.  And sometimes we may forget that the more we try to accumulate the more complicated and distracting our life is going to become.

But that is the way it has to be, the more we add to our lives the more things are going to have to manage.

That is the trade off we never really think about. There is likely a limit each of us is willing to get to when it comes to accumulating wealth, a limit where things suddenly become uncomfortable because life has become more complicated than we would like it to be.

And if we think about it, none of us have likely thought of the limit we’d be comfortable with. But the complication is that as things become more complicated, for some reason we are programmed to think that as we acquire more and more wealth it will become simpler. Somehow we think that having these things handled by other people will be easier full well forgetting that if that is the direction we choose, we have to manage actual people aside from ourselves. That isn’t easier.

Better still, live a simple life and be grateful. We’ll be wealthy before we realize it.

virtus fortis vocat

October 19

“Riches ave shut off many a man from the attainment of wisdom; poverty is unburdened and free from care.” – Seneca

Not just material poverty but also the attainment of some level of success can be just as large an obstacle on the path to working on ourselves. We have all accomplished something, and that something is going to be a little bit different for each of us. But we all could find a reason or an excuse to effectively rest on our laurels and scrape by with the fruits of our current level of achievement.

And of course, many of us do just that. We fall into a rut where we work tour jobs, we live our lives and we kind of attach blinders to the rest of the world and even to ourselves. Or we might look at how far we have come and say to ourselves that the way we are right now is just fine and we need no further improvement.

And then we find ourselves frustrated, we find ourselves not enjoying our work, or our relationships, or our own lives and we wonder why.

It’s because we have stopped improving, we have stopped trying to be better people, we have stopped trying to be better at what we do. We have stopped trying to get better.

We will never be complete but that doesn’t mean we get to stop trying.

virtus fortis vocat

 

October 18

“It is more important for you to keep the resolutions you have already made than to go on and make noble ones.” – Seneca

We can all have ideas. In fact, sitting around and coming up with ideas is something that anyone can be really good at with very little practice or training. The more we do it, the grander those ideas can become. And how much are all of those grand ideas worth? Nothing.

An idea only has value when it is put into action, when the plan is executed on, and the idea is made into something real. Something that impacts the world in some way. Even if it is a very small way.

And a small idea put into action, realized, and learned from will always be more valuable than a grand plan that never sees the world outside the dreamer’s mind.

So while we could look at our small plans and we could shrug and tell ourselves those plans don’t matter, we need better plans, better ideas. It is exactly those small plans, the little things we are doing now that will lead to bigger and better things.

Because having an idea is one thing, but we need to learn how to turn those ideas into realities and like anything else, that takes time, effort, and persistence. We need to learn how to execute.

virtus fortis vocat

October 17

“A happy life is reached when our wisdom is brought to completion, but that life is at least endurable even when our wisdom has only just begun.” – Seneca

As soon as we make a decision to start focusing on the things we can control and letting go of the things we have no control over, we get to experience an almost instant improvement in our quality of life. Not because we will be instantly good at sorting out the things we can control and the things we can not, not because we will even be good at controlling the things we can control yet. Life will get better because we will recognize that we do have some control over how we approach life, and that gives us a little more to work with.

When we decide that we are going to focus only on the things in life we can control we immediately recognize that there are some things we will have to give up. One of those things is going to be judging ourselves harshly because we are at the beginning of our journey. We can’t be good at this stuff yet, we are only just getting started.

Giving ourselves that allowance instantly improves where we are in the world. We can look at everything a little differently when we know exactly what we need to do in order to make our lives a little better. Even if we can’t do that thing all that well at the moment.

Because with just a little practice we will be better.

virtus fortis vocat